Should the FIFA institute a mercy rule for the qualifying matches? Proponents of such a rule will have a perfect example to cite in the Germany - Australia matchup. It was an epic spanking for the people from the land down under. The men did blunder.
First of all I have to apologize for writing this up so late. The reason is one very common amongst soccer fans. Whenever your team plays you get absolutely smashed. (I hope that in the future the word smashed will be highlighted and link to a separate post. The world drug deserves a special report in a blog on the world game). Anyways when your national teams plays it's almost, as exciting as losing your virginity. And just as with losing ones virginal state of mind, it can be a great experience or a dreadful one. Germany - Australia was a great one. For me. For about eight seconds yesterday as my brother was hugging me so strongly that I thought he'd broken a rip I thought about the fact that while 80 million Germans were celebrating, however many Australian there are (how the fuck would I know?) were sad. But that was too much of a bummer so I forgot about that.
Sorry for losing Australia. I wish I could say you put up a fight (trust me I really do), but you didn't. You could almost smell the frustration on the pitch. Australian resorted to fouling and one foul got Tim Cahill sent off. Lots of people thought it didn't deserve a red, including the Scottish and British commentators who I think were biased because they have accents strongly resembling the Australians. But Cahill had his legs closed so you can all go suck on my vuvuzela.
Anyways where was I? Oh yeah Germany played really well. No no no. I mean like really well. Not like German well. Not like we play okay and then win. No we play amazingly well and then we like really really win. Like winner of the hearts too and stuff. The lone forward and the two wingers got to score, then Jogi Löw (the German coach) brought on two more forwards and a winger, which led me to shout out "Hey, everybody gets so score. Even Gomez." My brother thought it was necessary to add "It's like a gangbang." That made us giggle till about four hours later and even now sometimes I still tilt my head to the side and dreamingly revere that one time we made that really funny collective joke about the Australian national team.
A lot of comments were made along the lines of "well in rugby we would have won" My question is: What is rugby. Jokes aside, I deeply respect rugby and I love watching it, but nobody except those countries that used to be English colonies and the French, for some reason, play it (The more you think about that, the less sense it makes). My guess is it has to do something with the French contrarianism. I imagine one day probably during a break at the Geneva conventions a French diplomat picked up a rugby ball and the English enemies shouted "you can't play with that that's an English sport, we don't play your wanker sports." His British mates then proceeded to slap his shoulders but the Frenchman thought to himself "Yoo can't tell what to du. Wee are the French we don't listen to orders. We'll start playing this very British sport to spite you"
Either way, what makes me so happy today is that while the Germans always do well in the Word Cup when we also play well we usually win it all. I'm still worried how our 10 feet tall central defense is gonna do against small, quick players like Messi or Silva (Can't we institute a rule like: You must be this tall to play. That would help a lot thanks.
Germany is a young and exciting side. Three of the players won the under 21 European Championships last year, two players were even too young for that side. Mesut Oezil (fucking umlauts how do they work) is fast and his passes are deadly and precise like an American smart bomb, he dribbles as if he were Brazilian and Werder Bremen will have to work hard this summer. It seems Arsenal want him to replace Fabregas who'll most likely join Barcelona. Thomas Mueller only 20 years old was magnificent on his side, smoking his Australian opponents and getting on the score sheet in the process. Podolski's terrifying shot technique came to show and even Klose who was in terrible form before the World Cup got in his specialty header. Cacau (from VFB Stuttgart my team yay) came on and scored with his first touch. As Loew realized that this Australia match could be used as a confidence builder he brought on another shitty striker Mario Gomez (he's talented but in terrible form) and we all felt he deserved a goal as well.
If you excuse me I have to go back to celebrating with these young ladies.
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