Why do I love soccer so much?

Why do I love soccer so much? Nothing about this sport makes any sense. Lets suppose I placed an object in front of you and told you to move it from A to B. What part of your body would you use? Probably your hands. Well, soccer's most elementary rule is "Don't use your hands". The objective of soccer is to move a ball, with any body part except the one that makes sense, over a gargantuan field and into a small goal. Meanwhile 11 other players try to stop you and the last player gets to use his hands! That's reason one number one why billions of people go bat-shit crazy over this game. It's impossible. It's like watching a grizzly bear juggling three kittens on a unicycle. From the Roman's colosseums, over circuses up to our Youtube-equivalents: Humans love watching stuff that's not supposed to happen. And here is where the magic comes in. It does happen. Goals are scored, and every single time it's reason for celebration. That's why Spanish commentators scream "gol" until your ear drums jump out. It's just that damn exciting. The emotional investment is immense.

The reason it is so immense has to do with how easily playable it is. Any other sport needs equipment of some sort. Soccer doesn't. You don't have a goal? Try a wall or two trees. You don't have a ball? Try an empty coke can.

Try thinking about something that you put great importance in. Maybe the feeling right before you got back a test in school or how your heart jumped when you saw the person you secretly loved on the street, any kind of situation that offers great reward and great punishment. Now imagine 80 million people had exactly the same emotion in exactly the same moment. Imagine 80 million children, mothers, fathers and grandparents all fell in love with the same person and they all saw her in exactly the same moment and they all exactly experienced the same emotions. Well that's the World Cup for most of the world. When a team scores it's not just you that's excited it's an entire nation that jumps and screams and yells and laughs. The effect is amplified. For no other event on earth does humanity celebrate it's successes so collectively.

If you're in a city in Europe or South America right now you will soon know what the World Cup means. When their team wins you might as well assume there was a revolution going on. There is nothing more exhilarating than feeling the ground beneath your feet vibrate from the sheer mass of people rejoicing. In a way the World Cup is the most healthy outlet for nationalism imaginable.

So if your country isn't qualified, pick a team and become emotionally invested. That's how you'll experience what the rest of the world experiences.